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Do You Even Know What You Want?

By Jitendra Leave a Comment

You know this was a vexing problem for me for major portion of my adult life. I was not sure of what I want. Every current fad and the smallest of shiny objects would catch my attention and I would be running after them only to find little later that that was not the thing. It was in the later years that I was getting near to finding what I really want. In the interim I had lost quite a bit of time wandering. Wish I had known myself a bit earlier.”

This was a rather long reply from my friend to a seemingly innocuous remark from me about his journey towards self-actualization. By the way, I consider my friend to be a learned man, a role model and seek his counsel on many of my own dilemmas

We all go through this. I’ve hit this roadblock many times in my life and the accompanying feelings of confusion, frustration, and loss of hope that go with it.

On the face of it, everybody seems to know what they really want. Scratch the surface a bit and I find lots of people who believe they don’t know.

But where does that belief come from?

Let’s examine some of the factors which make many of us believe that we don’t know what we want:

#1. We suppress our true desire

There is a common fallacy among us which equates “success” with fame, fortune or both and also that contentment follows it. Yet we see countless cases of people who have acquired all the trappings of fame and fortune but are actually quite miserable. That’s not the fault of fame and fortune itself, but rather, the idea that pursuing it equals happiness.

Fact check: The 2012 Towers Watson Global Workforce Survey found that 655 of 32,000 full-time workers participating in their study are not highly engaged.

What it means is 2 out of every 3 workers slack for some reason. Do you find yourself in this camp? This doesn’t happen overnight.  Before you reach that level of dissatisfaction, you’ve spent years suppressing your real desires beneath layers of conditioning, habits and beliefs.

And by the time we start thinking about what you want the flame of our desires has burnt out.

2. Fear of failure

We live in a time where success at any cost is the sole mantra. In the pursuit of success, we mostly follow the path that was led by someone else. This is indeed the path of least resistance. It makes things easier for a normal course of life.

In a way, it makes our pursuit less likely to fail. This keeps us ward off the fear of unknown.  However, the worst part is that it is debilitating where embarking on a new life path is concerned. If everyone in the past had done the same thing and in similar manner, we would have collectively developed as humanity as we know it today.

3. Fear of goal setting

Many of us are turned off by the idea of setting goals because we associate it with typical type A behaviors – driven, over-striving and competitive. There is nothing wrong with having goals for certain things.

Having goals and breaking them into chunks is the best way of getting things done. However, we should take care not to become a goal driven maniac.

4. Lack of Focus 

Our inability to see forest through trees is the reason for a cluttered mind. We are conditioned to believe that nobody can get what they want for various reasons. This belief has percolated down to individual level over the decades or even centuries.

We may desire for a different lifestyle altogether. Not the regular 9-5 existence. We may crave for some new creation than plethora of activities that lead to visible accomplishments. In the case of later, we try to fix into box that some else has created.

In doing so, we feel a sense of void which we need to fill with something. We even decide that we want what other people have, just to fit in. Then we go about populating our lives and spaces with these things — and even people. When all of your life space is filled up with stuff, it is impossible to uncover what your true desires or intentions are.

5. Lack of Time Management.

Time is our most valuable resource and so most likely to be frittered away. We tend to spend it on activities that perhaps try to make up for an otherwise boring existence. I know it for a fact; people who have found fulfillment are never bored. They’re too busy creating to be in a state of apathy.

Ideally we must be spending our best times doing what would lead us to our greatest accomplishments. This holds as true for finding a new path as for maintaining it later. The lies in finding creative solutions that encompass fulfilling responsibilities and still have enough time to explore till you find what you want.

6. Lack of Personal Care.

Almost all of us are busy running the race of life. We have so many commitments to fulfill and so many customers to serve. Customer is the king and he is the one paying for our bills, isn’t it? At the end of the day we find ourselves exhausted. Many of us can’t seem to think about what we want under such circumstance.

Perhaps it is time we begin thinking in in different ways. It’s fine to serve others, but we must also serve ourselves. On airplane we are told to first put the oxygen mask on ourselves, before assisting anyone else. This is to keep you alive. You can’t help others unless you are in a position of strength. If only we did this in life, as well. It really is common sense, but too often, we put everyone else before ourselves.

7. Unwillingness to Experiment.

Life is a tumultuous journey. We experience a myriad of challenges even while following the path of least resistance. Many a spirit gets shattered.  Even a thought of doing something different becomes too daunting.

It takes ingenuity and tenacity to create anything new and this applies to figuring out what you really want. You won’t know unless you try new things. Until then, your life will always be what you had before.

Do you relate in any way to the scenarios? Do share as comments. I will examine the remedies in my next post.

Filed Under: Habit Tagged With: belief, desire, experiment, fear of failure, focus, goal, personal care, time management, want

How to Become Indispensable for Your Company?

May 8, 2019 By Jitendra Leave a Comment

Become indispensable

We live in an age, where the meaning and terms of jobs and employment are changing. The economies are expanding so are the number of opportunities of employment. However, nature and terms of engagement have also changed. For most people, their best option is to make themselves one of the employees that stand out from the others in terms of willingness to work, enthusiasm and dedication to the business.

Easiest way would to join a local gang and let your boss you are part of it! But that would be anti-social and downright illegal.

Here are 10 bulletproof ways to make yourself “indispensable” at your workplace.

Practice these and see the change.

1. Carry a positive attitude

It’s all in the attitude baby! We have seen enough of people getting ahead of others just for their positive attitude. On skill all are more or less the same. All have to come through the same selection process. Attitude, thus, becomes the key differentiator. A positive morale usually does great things for teamwork in the business. Being one of those few that can find the positive in every situation could help single you out as a stellar employee. Won’t you like to be in this position?

2. Give your best always

You carry a great attitude. What next? Those who do more than what is required generally stand a better chance of being noticed by those who matter. Employers can make out when a job has been done with some serious dedication. The same applies to school. Real effort will likely reward you with a top grade as the teacher knows when you put in the extra time and work and really care about what you are doing.

3. Practice smart delegation

Admit it. You can’t do it alone. If you try more likely you fail than succeed. The trick is in getting the work done and not in doing it yourself. If you can figure out a way to take some of the busy work out of your boss’s schedule, they just might find that to be a valuable bit of reasoning. Similarly, you can benefit from sharing your work you’re your junior colleagues. Knowing how to allocate resources for maximum efficiency is a skill that is hugely beneficial to any company.

4. Never stop learning

The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement. Learning to improve existing processes and devising newer ways of doing things is a great skill. Having more general knowledge of anything related to the company helps you make informed and wise decisions. You can be of help to others with such knowledge. It’s is sure shot way of becoming a lynchpin if you can resolve an issue before it becomes a problem. This skill of yours can save those in authority the trouble of sorting out the mess.

5. Network

You carry your company on your shoulder and no one knows about it. It is mighty important that your boss, other managers and employees know the quality of work you do. If you are willing to put in extra time and effort try to volunteer to take the tasks no one else wants. This will make your boss’s life easier, and they will most likely appreciate it. If they know you as someone who is willing to help with a wide variety of tasks, you have a better chance growing in your company. Also, having a good rapport with managers in other departments is helpful in that you have someone to speak for you other than your current boss. In case your current boss leaves you will have someone else in management knows the quality of work that you do. Though this works, don’t depend solely on as your career strategy.

6. Help others with your skill

Help others to help yourself. If can solve a problem a co-worker is dealing with, go and help her. This leaves your boss fewer questions to answer and reduces the number of issue to sort out. Helping a colleague ultimately makes your department run more efficiently, thus benefiting the entire company. A department that is shown to be efficient will be more likely to prosper and much less likely to suffer from lay-off’s in the future.

7. Be honest

Honesty is the best policy is an old adage. Everyone appreciates honesty. If you happen to make a mistake at work, it’s not a good idea to try to cover it up. Usually, it results in a bigger mess. When in doubt, disclose.  Your honesty can be a wonderful tool in gaining the trust of both authorities and co-workers, alike. People are more likely to give their all for someone they know is trustworthy.  Winning the trust of your co-workers is a great asset.

8. Practice creative problem solving

Creativity is the fuel that fires many imaginations. Your ability of creative problem solving can assist you in devising new solutions to many a problems at your workplace. It can also help deal with dilemmas that you and your boss could be facing. Imagine the benefit of finding a solution to a problem before your boss is even bothered with it! They will not only appreciate this, but also not want to lose you at any cost. You can almost future-proof your career.

9. Keep yourself in good health

Only a healthy person can be relied upon at workplace. For example, if you are not at the pink of your health, you might not be able to solve problems and face issues that normally wouldn’t be much of a challenge for you.  Bad health may also lead to your frequent absence from work which may turn your boss’s best laid out plan upside down. Your boss may not find you reliable and likely keep you out of challenging projects. Good fitness levels also help improve your self-confidence and give you something positive to think about when your day isn’t going how you would like. Someone who shows dedication in taking care of themselves is more likely to put that same effort into their work.

10. Sharpen your communication skills

If you do not have this skill, you can’t progress in your career. Employers appreciate an employee that has good communication and grammar skills. If you have superior vocabulary and grammatical knowledge you can express ideas and assist others in understanding difficult concepts. If you have excellent communication skill, it makes you sound intelligent and well-prepared for the tasks given to you, even if you have less experience in your field. If you can free your boss by explaining some concept to your fellow co-workers, imagine the time she will have to do things that they normally would not have otherwise. This will help you to contribute to the larger cause of your company.

Conclusion

Try out the action items suggested here and you will a marked improvement in yourself. You will stand out from the crowd in a positive manner. Play an active, rather than passive, role in securing your job and career. Take control of your actions rather than be a mute spectator.

As the cliché goes, “The best defense is a good offense.” Keeping the ball in your court gives you a bit more control over your career and helps relieve the stress of feeling helpless. Actively but discreetly promoting yourself in the eyes of those around you can make all the difference in keeping and enjoying your job.

Filed Under: Work Tagged With: Company, Indispensable, positive attitude, success, work

How to form good habits to find success

By Jitendra Leave a Comment

Habits and success

“Time = life; therefore, waste your time and waste your life, or master your time and master your life.” Alan Lakein

There are many ways all humans are non-equal, but one thing is equal for all of us: time! There is no more or less than 24 hours in a day for each one of us.

However, how that time is spent during those 24 hours is a completely different story. That is why we have difference in how much each of us achieve in the course of a typical day.

I have realized it all boils down to inculcating good and productive habits.  It’s easier said than done as I am finding it myself. The old (and bad) habits die hard. It takes a lot of conscious effort and planning to form good habits.

Adopt good habits.

It is easy to form a bad habit, but I think it is difficult (at least in the beginning) to form a good habit that sticks. This applies to time management as well.

There are certain ways that can help you to become more efficient in your everyday life. Some of the habits that I currently execute on daily basis are:

● Planning my day the night before

● Having a morning and evening routines

● Having my goals clear in my mind

● Doing the most important and creative task the first thing in the morning

● Batching as much as I can (batching means grouping as many similar tasks together and doing them at once)

● Exercise

It seems that there are lots of habits to follow, but on the other hand, once you nail them down, you do them automatically – on a subconscious level. You don’t necessarily even think about those things anymore, because they have become your second nature.

So why do you need your habits anyway? Because if you have a 9-5 job, it becomes important to take advantage of your time outside the work, the best way possible. By creating these small habits, your life has structure and you get things done faster and easier. You are not wasting your valuable time to small things, which eventually eat all your time when being out of the office.

How to form a habit?

I have heard many experts telling us, that it takes somewhere between 21-30 days to form a habit. That means, you are consistently (on daily basis) doing something, and if you “break the chain” (fail to execute your new habit even in one day), you have to start all over.

However, I can tell from experience, that sometimes it takes more time than 30 days to make a habit stick, so this may be dependent on the habit you are trying to achieve.

Also, doing just one change at a time rather than multiple at once is the better way to succeed. However, I feel that this depends on the situation and what kind of habits you want to execute in your daily routines.

For example, getting rid of too many projects (first habit), so that you have time to exercise (second habit), goes hand in hand and support each other (you free up your time to exercising activities).

Sometimes it takes more time than 30 days to make a habit stick

Planning your habit

Before you start creating a new habit, you should have a plan in place. Maybe an overview of the next 30 days before you begin, so that you can see what is going to happen in your calendar and if any of those events are going to have effects on your habit project.

Let’s say that you want to start waking up earlier every day (6 AM). It means that you should get to bed earlier as well. When you look at your calendar, you realize that next week you are going to throw a party to your friends, which probably means that you are not going to go to bed early enough.

Also, you realize that you are going to take a small trip with your spouse to visit your relatives in another town and you are going to stay there for a weekend.

Those two events (hosting a party and visiting relatives over the weekend) may cause you to break the habit of going to bed at 10.30 PM and waking up at 6 AM, if that was your original plan.

If this was the case for me, I would start as normal, but acknowledge the fact, that it may not be possible to keep up with the new pattern each day. Instead, realizing that as soon as the situation is over, you can get back to the original plan and continue to go to bed at 10.30 PM (so that you can wake up at 06.00 AM)

Eventually when you keep doing this, your new habit is being formed. You then realize that when going to sleep some other time than 10.30 may feel weird.

Be consistent and persistent

It takes some time to reach the state where you can say that you have formed a new habit, but the path there is something, that should be taken, if you want to change yourself at least a bit. By being consistent and persistent, you can achieve this.

You can even have an accountability partner, to whom you report your daily actions related to this new habit (did you go to bed early or not), so there is a small pressure on you to do it as you promised.

Also, you should realize why you want the habit in the first place. You should have a very strong motivation behind your new habit, so that you find it compelling to work on until it sticks.

For example, working on your business plan every day before going to work, may not be good enough. However, when you associate that with a fact, that if you don’t do that, you will be in your same job after 5 years as where you are now, gives a bigger incentive to work hard on your goals every morning.

By being consistent and persistent, you can make the habit stick and find the desired success.

What do you think of the article? Please share your thoughts and your own ways of forming good habits.

Filed Under: Habit

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